I was raised in church my whole life. I knew a lot of the theological side to doing “church”, but when people would talk about being in love with Jesus, I never really understood. Yes, I loved Jesus, but I never truly experienced His love for me, and when I finally did it truly changed everything.
But before we get to that, I’d like to explain what lead up to that moment. The past few months have been a spiritual drought, even to the point of questioning if there even was a God. I became complacent. But complacency doesn’t happen overnight. It begins in small increments as your faith is slowly chipped away. You start missing church, worship, prayer, and reading the word. Then suddenly you find yourself in a place you never thought you would be.
I became resentful. I saw only the worst in society. I questioned God, I questioned the motives of people that cared about me. I saw most Christians as hypocrites, and had a lot of bitterness in general. Oddly though, the depression I have always dealt with had gone away. It felt too easy. (Of course, when you’re where the enemy wants you, he doesn’t have to fight you anymore.)
The turning point really came when I became more committed to church attendance. Now, going to church won’t save you, but that’s where you hear the truth. John 8:32 says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” The truth started really getting to me. It’s like my eyes were opened and I saw the state I was in. I had walked away from God. Deliverance didn’t happen immediately, but it did come over time. I found God again.
So that’s what led up to that moment. That one moment at a simple Monday night prayer service. No band. No message. Just some music playing in the background. I began to pray. Let me tell you, prayer changes things! I started as I usually do, repenting, thanking Him for things, but something different came about.
I began to thank Him and praise Him. And I saw Him as the Omnipotent God that He is, the Creator of all things, the one true God. All of this lead up to a climax, a climax I will never forget…I came to a place where I truly experienced His love! There truly is no height, depth, or width of His love. His love is an endless ocean with no floor.
I never had felt so many emotions at once. But the one thing that hurt the most was a feeling of unworthiness. I had done nothing to deserve this radical, untamed love, and I never could. I didn’t know what to do. Just a moment ago I felt such love, and then it had turned to fear of being unworthy. But then it hit me. I shouldn’t look at my unworthiness, because that means I am looking at myself. I should be looking at Him! Yes I am unworthy, but that’s what makes His love even greater.
From that moment on, I have never been the same. I now know what it’s like to be in Love with Jesus. I’m far from perfect, and there are still things I deal with, but He will always be there to walk me through it. I hope you find encouragement in this post, and begin to chase His love for yourself.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.