Who am I? The question echoes in my mind, as I’m sure it has in yours.
Who I know myself to be
I do know that I am very indecisive. Decisions can be so hard for me to make. The more options I have, the more calculating my brain has to do to make a selection. This makes eating out a bit of a problem, as the people I’m eating with can already have their food before I’ve even made up my mind on what to order.
I also know that I love God and people. Although loving people can be hard at times, it is a work in progress.
I know that I love music, art, animals, science, nature, astronomy. Pretty much anything and everything. I have so many interests and yet have no idea which ones to pursue.
Who I’m not sure about
Oftentimes I’m not even sure what I believe. Basic things, like God, morals, etc, they’re easy to know where I stand. But there’s so much more in life I have no clue where I’m at. I’m not that concerned with what I already know, it’s what I don’t know that frustrates me.
The more I learn, the more I realize how little I actually know. It’s hard for others to get to know you if you don’t even know yourself. And yet the person I think I am and the person I think people see me as appears to me to be polar opposites.
What if the me I am isn’t the me I should be?
This is a constant struggle, because I continually want to be me, but what if the me I am isn’t the me I should be? What if I’m broken or something? I just don’t seem to think the way other people do. What if they see something I don’t? What if everything I believe to be true is wrong?
I know God is true, but what about everything else in life? What if in my wanting to be different, I have become too different? What if it’s irreversible? What if I’m actually as annoying to everyone as my mind would have me to believe? If I could just learn to be comfortable with who I am, maybe it wouldn’t matter.
I don’t know. All I know is as of yet, I don’t know who I am. But I look forward to the day that I do.