Faith, Where Did You Go?

Faith, where did you go? 

I found myself asking that very question. No where to be seen, my faith was almost non existent. 

The past couple months have been pretty rough. More psychological than anything though. I found myself questioning things. Almost anything and everything. God’s love. His mercy. His willingness to forgive. And ultimately…His existence. 

Deep down I knew He did. I knew that none of the universe was by accident. I just felt far away from Him. I prayed less, and believed less. 

My Faith had died.

It all accumulated until one day, I no longer felt worthy to be forgiven. Forgiven of sin, and everything I’ve ever done wrong, past and present. It’s a terrible feeling. A hopeless feeling. That no matter how much I repented it was too late. 

But see, I tried to. I repented, but I couldn’t receive the forgiveness I so desperately needed. The biggest reason I couldn’t receive it, is because I couldn’t forgive myself. 

Just as the Bible says you can’t be forgiven if you don’t forgive, that includes forgiving yourself. When I finally forgave myself, received forgiveness, I could finally move on. But my faith still wasn’t there. Well, enough was there to be forgiven, but that’s about it. 

But as I read the Bible, and pray more, the more I want to do those things. And I can already tell a difference in my thought process, and my faith. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. 

If you find yourself with questions, looking for answers, or just lacking in faith, read His word, pray, and ask Him to grow your faith. He really does listen, and He really does care.


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