Taking Care of Busyness

I know…it has been awhile since my last post. Life has been crazy, and I simply haven’t gotten around to the blog. Today I will share a few updates, what’s new, and what some hopes are for the future. To be honest though, it has been a pretty tough time, physically, mentally, emotionally, and especially spiritually. It has been truly difficult to balance everything. I suppose most people are good at it, but I am not. For me, I start taking care of one thing, only to let the other things suffer. Spiritual life going great? Awesome! But while that’s going on, I’m neglecting my health, then that starts to suffer. It’s crazy to think how hard it is to have a nice balance in taking care of everything. With the introduction out-of-the-way, here are some updates.

I’m going to college! Which is both exciting and crazy! I’ve been enjoying it for the most part, but it’s adding to my workload, which means I have to really learn to manage my time. And as mentioned above, I really need to work on. This first semester has flown by. I did end up missing a couple of weeks due to sickness, which put me behind. I’m almost caught up now though. I’ve also been getting some hours in at the grill on campus. So everything is going pretty well all in all. While this all may seem like no big deal to some, we’re talking about someone who used to not like going through drive-thrus, or answer the telephone, because of social anxieties. Those anxieties were only for a season though. Growing up I never had a problem with that. It was only during my later teenage years those issues arose. The Lord has brought me so far!

But alas, it can’t be all good things, can it? For there is some things that seem to be doing worse. While I’m still learning about living life, I find it difficult to remain focused spiritually. It’s easy to spend time with God when you don’t have so many things going on. It really has to become intentional when you are so busy. It may not seem busy compared to others, but for me, I’m the busiest I have ever been. Throw in still trying to maintain proper diet, exercise, and not to mention keeping up with ministry, and that’s a full schedule. They just never tell you how much responsiblity being an adult really is. Everyone says enjoy being a kid while you can, but you never realize why until it’s over. I just hope and pray that I can stay rooted and grounded while being busy, that I don’t get too busy for the One that really matters.

Please do not take me wrong, I know how writing about a subject can make it seem exaggerated and bigger than it really is. I’m enjoying all of this journey. And I cannot wait to see where the Lord takes me. It’s just that in all of this, I’m learning to prioritize. It’s very important how and what we spend our time on. We’re only given so much, and I don’t want to waste any of it. Love y’all!!

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Sold Out

Are you sold out? Are you totally committed? You have to be to jump out of a plane like in the photo above. Either that or you’ll be forced to jump!

Hey everyone! I know, it’s been a little while. This summer has just been so busy! I’ve learned so much, grown as a person, and especially found the Lord in a deeper way!

Where to begin? Let’s begin with our youth group’s cabin trip. Our trip took us to Pigeon Forge, TN, the usual place we go to for summer retreats. When we got there, the cabin we originally booked was trashed, so we had to scramble and book another one. Praise God we not only were able to book another cabin, but it ended up being the best one we’ve ever stayed in!

Each night of service was amazing. Full of prayer, worship, and being sensitive to what the Holy Spirit wanted to do. Chains were broken off of people’s lives, and hearts were set ablaze with the love of Jesus and fire of The Holy Spirit. I personally really learned how to push through and worship even when fatigued.( Our services would start around 7-8, and sometimes end in the early a.m. hours. Not to mention our daily devotionals and activities throughout the day, including team games!) Needless to say, I truly learned how to push through.

So it’s personal testimony time. I’ve written before about over thinking, depression, etc. I’m glad to say I’ve been set free from those things!! I’m learning to walk in my newfound freedom, but it’s amazing to see where God has brought me from. I was at points throughout my life where I wouldn’t even go through a drive thru, because I didn’t like talking to strangers or anyone I didn’t know. I’ve even noticed things I’ve been set free from I didn’t realize were a problem until they were no longer there. I no longer feel lonely and much of the fear I’ve had is totally gone. God is so so good!!

Jump forward a couple of weeks to this past weekend, and I gained even more freedom at Summer Warrior-Fest 2018. I experienced even more of the freedom I learned on the cabin trip, freedom in shouting, dancing, and crying out to God. And hunger.

Sometimes we reach a certain level in the Lord, and become comfortable. It’s pretty easy to do, but I just keep getting pushed into pressing in, and asking the Lord for more! I just want more of Him! I’ve come to realize we’ve got to be sold out.

Sold out. Unashamed. Uncompromising. Relentless. I want to be so in love with Jesus that everyone knows it! I see Him drawing me closer to Himself, asking me to go deeper. I’m not sure how to go deeper from here, but I’m trusting He’ll show me the way.

I don’t want to go back! Back to the mundane! Back to no passion! I want to be on fire and passionate for Him! Keith Green’s Biography, No Compromise, is really pushing me to seek Him out more. And there’s a deeper longing to be His hands and feet. I want to see myself sold out for Him, along with the rest of the church. Then we can truly take the gospel to the nations, because nothing will hold us back.

Everyone talks of revival, but how many are truly willing to do what it takes? Revival starts with me. It starts with you. It starts with repentance, and throwing off the weight that so easily besets us. I want to see the lost saved, the sick healed, the broken hearts be mended.

So I guess that’s all for now. Love y’all!!

Patience

A dilemma. For some patience I have, but patience I also lack. In the day-to-day, I don’t really have a problem with road rage, or dealing with people, waiting on an order, or anything of that nature, but when it comes to life, aka future life, I’m about as impatient as one could be.

I want things done now. I want to be where I want to be now. But is where I want to be where I’m meant to be? I continually pray that doors are opened, that my path is made clear. But it seems like so far it’s just been silence. Maybe God hasn’t spoken yet. Maybe I’m not listening.

I have learned some lessons lately about patience. The old saying, good things come to those who wait, holds true. Psalms 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I Am God”. So sometimes it is best to be still, to wait and see. But sometimes it feels like procrastination. And other times, it feels like life is passing you by. You look at other people’s lives and feel like you’re not accomplishing nearly what they are.

It can be good to have people you want to be like. People that inspire you to do more and to be better, but you have to be careful not to compare yourself to them. Each person’s journey through life is different. I have my own things I have to go through, and you have yours. Jesus is the ultimate example, and we should only try to truly model our lives after Him.

So is there a balance to be found then? Between waiting and stepping into action? I’m sure there is. But personally, I’m still trying to find it. But I’m sure as long as I’m waiting, and watching, and praying, everything will work out.

Don’t Stop

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It frightens me how easy it is to change my mind sometimes. How easily I succumb to suggestions. What frightens me even more is how easy it is to fade back. To live totally free in the love of God one day and to live in defeat the next.

There are times when I make up so much ground, only to lose it in an instant. Oh how easy it is to lose sight of what’s important! Just a few days ago, I wanted to never blog again. I wanted to isolate myself from others and just fade into the shadows. And yet, here I am, writing another post.

The more I learn, the more I understand, the more I come to realize how little I really know, how little I really understand.

The more I learn, the more I understand, the more I come to realize how little I really know, how little I really understand. The more I learn about God, the closer I get to Him, the more I realize how little I actually know about Him.

As stated in other posts, I can be a very indecisive person. I try to weigh out the positives and negatives of a decision or decisions, and sometimes in doing so I don’t really fancy any of them at all. I try to be the best I can be, and yet, sometimes things don’t turn out as planned. Something sounds great in my head, but said out loud, it just doesn’t work! So sometimes, if I get tired of feeling like I say the wrong things, or become insecure about really anything, I just talk as little as possible.

Really I think it comes to a matter of insecurity. We should be secure enough in God and who He made us to be, to own our words and own our actions. Own who we are. If people find us weird, who cares?

But I can’t do that. I care too much about what people think of me. And yet at the same time I don’t. I guess in some areas, I don’t give a hoot what anybody thinks or says about me. But in others, I try not to, but I actually care very much.

If someone knew all the things you’ve said about them behind their back, how would that make them feel?

I often wonder what people say behind my back. We all say all kinds of things about other people, but never directly to them. If someone knew all the things you’ve said about them behind their back, how would that make them feel? Would they appreciate you? Would they feel loved and honored? Or would they feel embarrassment and shame in knowing what you really think of them? Sometimes I think about that. What do people say when I’m not around? What jokes do they crack? What do they really think about me? Am I a good influence? A kind person? I try not to think about it, so much to the point if someone says, “Oh there you are. We were just talking about you”, I’m actually kind of surprised.

It reminds me of when I couldn’t feel love. It was a season when I felt totally alone, even surrounded by people. People told me all the time they loved me, but I didn’t believe them. I didn’t believe them. It doesn’t matter what someone tells you, if you don’t believe them, their words mean nothing. And it’s not even their fault, when you simply trust no one and believe no one there’s no reason to believe they love you.

But now I look at things differently. Despite all my flaws and all of my problems, I’m learning to trust. I’m learning to believe what people tell me, not being gullible, but hopeful that they mean what they say. Besides, I love them, and real love doesn’t need to be reciprocated. God Himself loves a world full of people who pretend He doesn’t exist. So I hope and pray to have that kind of unconditional love. I’m not even sure what caused me to lose trust, I’m just glad that I feel like I’m on the right track.

See I know what to do. I know what I should do. How I should act. How I should be. But that’s the hard part. Doing. It’s easy to know. It’s harder to do. Jesus says to feed the poor and help the orphans and widows, but that’s easier said than done. How many of us think of helping someone and never do it? There’s a world full of hurting people, but what do we do to help? I feel like I don’t do much of anything. I help with what I can, but sometimes it’s hard enough to take care of myself, let alone help other people.

I don’t even really know how I got off onto all of that. I just sat down to finish a post, and it kind of just shifted into something else. As a writer, sometimes you don’t know what you’ll write until you just sit down and write!

None of us are perfect. We are all flawed and have things to work on. I guess that’s why Jesus said not to judge one another, because He knows none of are perfect and that we will fail in one way or another, which only makes His love even greater. But it’s all about not giving up. As Paul said, we’re in a race, a marathon, even when we stumble and fall, we have to get back up and keep running. Even if sometimes it feels like we’re only crawling, only making inches at a time, don’t stop, don’t ever stop.

 

Balance

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Balance. Life is all about it. Being able to balance work, school, family, friends, hobbies etc all while maintaining a relationship with God is really inspiring. I see so many of my friends at my church able to do this, and I wonder, how do they do it?

I’ve always had a problem with balance. If I begin to give more attention to one thing, the rest of my life suffers. For instance. If I start eating healthier, I may not exercise. And if I exercise more, I may not eat healthy. Both are important for maintaining health, but they work the best if they’re in sync.

This holds especially true in my spiritual life. There was a time when I felt great spiritually, felt close to God and all, but I wasn’t taking care of my health. If it’s even possible, I was too focused on spirituality and eternity and I kind of let things go.

After that, I began to take care of myself more, but in the process, I slowly drifted from God. Then I became too focused on the temporal and less focused on eternity. Now don’t get me wrong, what we do here on earth matters. And our eternity matters even more. But there has to be a balance between the two.

Sometimes I think we have how something is supposed to work in our heads, but reality is far from it. An example would be that there was a time I thought all Christians were basically super heroes, unable to do wrong. That they were all really holy and never thought or said or did anything wrong. At least the true Christians didn’t, the others were just hypocrites. Boy was I shocked to discover that’s not true at all. Christians are NOT immune to making mistakes. It was that mentality that had me questioning myself all the time. “If I can’t  stop messing up I don’t even deserve to be a Christian.” “I don’t deserve God’s forgiveness or to spend eternity with Him.” Of course I would eventually work through it and receive His forgiveness, but it could take a while sometimes.

The church often goes to extremes as well. One church will teach, “Grace! Grace! Grace! You don’t have to do anything at all!” Another church will teach, “You have to abide by all of these rules and only then can God accept you”, and are just so religious, which can be the opposite of Grace.

Again, is there not a balance between the two? Grace covers our sins, but only if and when we repent. And God has given us guidelines in His word, but they do not save us, should we be able to boast about it. He offers His love freely to us, but we have to choose to accept it. We have to choose to serve Him. All of the guidelines and things He wants us to do and live by are so important, and are an outward sign that we have passed from death to life. But it is not what saves us. What saves us is the blessed assurance that because we simply Love Him with all of our heart, spirit, soul, and body, and we have faith in our Savior that the only way to the Father is through the Son, then we will have eternal life.

If we truly Love Him, then we will want to please Him. In loving Him, literally everything else in our lives falls into place. But we must choose to Love Him. Choose to serve Him. Choose to do what is right.

I want so much to find that balance. To be able to serve God wholeheartedly,  while loving people, and taking care of myself in the process. Never giving up, no matter how hard life gets, no matter what comes my way, all for that hope that one day, I will look back at these times of growth and know that God never gave up on me, and that I never gave up on myself. And maybe, somehow, that I would have inspired others to follow Him too. And to never give up. And to find their balance as well.