Flight Control

I’ve always wanted to fly a plane. To me it just seems so amazing to be able to leave the ground, and take flight in a giant metal bird. Such freedom, seeing the ground from a bird’s-eye view. It’s so humbling seeing how small the ground we live on really is just by changing your perspective. I do plan on getting my private pilot’s license, Lord willing. But while I do love planes and flying in general, they also form a great metaphor for my personal life.

The last couple of weeks have been very odd. I haven’t felt this down in a while. It’s nowhere near what I use to deal with, but it’s still been enough to notice. Sometimes it can come without any reason, like now. Without any one specific thing being the culprit. While other times it can be brought on by a situation or circumstance.

There have been times I’ve felt like my life was spiraling out of control, like an airplane that has stalled trying to climb too steep of a grade. There are always, of course, times when control is regained, and steady flight is maintained.

Lately I think this time it’s mostly been brought on by spiritual reasons, and health reasons. Sometimes you can begin questioning things, and the more you question things, the more answers you seem to lack.

Don’t give up based on emotions. Don’t give up based on feelings.

But one thing I have learned through everything is this: don’t give up based on emotions. Don’t give up based on feelings. It’s easy to trust in the Lord when you feel like it. It’s easy to worship when everything in your life is perfect. The true test comes when trials come. For that is when you’re left with a choice. Will I stall out, spiraling out of control? Or will I push the engines a little harder, and navigate through the rough turbulence, trusting He will see me through?

I have chosen the latter. If Job went through what he did, and never wavered, then surely anything I might go through is nothing. So, big or small, drought or rain, I want to be someone God can trust. Uncompromising, unwavering, and completely sold out for my King. Proverbs 3:5 says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”

We’ve got to learn to trust Him with everything, for our lives are but vapors anyway. His timing is not our timing, and His ways are not our ways. He’s God, and we’re not. The creation never supersedes or knows more than their Creator.

We’re truly nothing without Him. But I find comfort in that. It takes the burden off of me, and He gives me a yoke to take up, for His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.

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Don’t Stop

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It frightens me how easy it is to change my mind sometimes. How easily I succumb to suggestions. What frightens me even more is how easy it is to fade back. To live totally free in the love of God one day and to live in defeat the next.

There are times when I make up so much ground, only to lose it in an instant. Oh how easy it is to lose sight of what’s important! Just a few days ago, I wanted to never blog again. I wanted to isolate myself from others and just fade into the shadows. And yet, here I am, writing another post.

The more I learn, the more I understand, the more I come to realize how little I really know, how little I really understand.

The more I learn, the more I understand, the more I come to realize how little I really know, how little I really understand. The more I learn about God, the closer I get to Him, the more I realize how little I actually know about Him.

As stated in other posts, I can be a very indecisive person. I try to weigh out the positives and negatives of a decision or decisions, and sometimes in doing so I don’t really fancy any of them at all. I try to be the best I can be, and yet, sometimes things don’t turn out as planned. Something sounds great in my head, but said out loud, it just doesn’t work! So sometimes, if I get tired of feeling like I say the wrong things, or become insecure about really anything, I just talk as little as possible.

Really I think it comes to a matter of insecurity. We should be secure enough in God and who He made us to be, to own our words and own our actions. Own who we are. If people find us weird, who cares?

But I can’t do that. I care too much about what people think of me. And yet at the same time I don’t. I guess in some areas, I don’t give a hoot what anybody thinks or says about me. But in others, I try not to, but I actually care very much.

If someone knew all the things you’ve said about them behind their back, how would that make them feel?

I often wonder what people say behind my back. We all say all kinds of things about other people, but never directly to them. If someone knew all the things you’ve said about them behind their back, how would that make them feel? Would they appreciate you? Would they feel loved and honored? Or would they feel embarrassment and shame in knowing what you really think of them? Sometimes I think about that. What do people say when I’m not around? What jokes do they crack? What do they really think about me? Am I a good influence? A kind person? I try not to think about it, so much to the point if someone says, “Oh there you are. We were just talking about you”, I’m actually kind of surprised.

It reminds me of when I couldn’t feel love. It was a season when I felt totally alone, even surrounded by people. People told me all the time they loved me, but I didn’t believe them. I didn’t believe them. It doesn’t matter what someone tells you, if you don’t believe them, their words mean nothing. And it’s not even their fault, when you simply trust no one and believe no one there’s no reason to believe they love you.

But now I look at things differently. Despite all my flaws and all of my problems, I’m learning to trust. I’m learning to believe what people tell me, not being gullible, but hopeful that they mean what they say. Besides, I love them, and real love doesn’t need to be reciprocated. God Himself loves a world full of people who pretend He doesn’t exist. So I hope and pray to have that kind of unconditional love. I’m not even sure what caused me to lose trust, I’m just glad that I feel like I’m on the right track.

See I know what to do. I know what I should do. How I should act. How I should be. But that’s the hard part. Doing. It’s easy to know. It’s harder to do. Jesus says to feed the poor and help the orphans and widows, but that’s easier said than done. How many of us think of helping someone and never do it? There’s a world full of hurting people, but what do we do to help? I feel like I don’t do much of anything. I help with what I can, but sometimes it’s hard enough to take care of myself, let alone help other people.

I don’t even really know how I got off onto all of that. I just sat down to finish a post, and it kind of just shifted into something else. As a writer, sometimes you don’t know what you’ll write until you just sit down and write!

None of us are perfect. We are all flawed and have things to work on. I guess that’s why Jesus said not to judge one another, because He knows none of are perfect and that we will fail in one way or another, which only makes His love even greater. But it’s all about not giving up. As Paul said, we’re in a race, a marathon, even when we stumble and fall, we have to get back up and keep running. Even if sometimes it feels like we’re only crawling, only making inches at a time, don’t stop, don’t ever stop.

 

The One Fear I’m Happy To Have

So I have a fear. Not a normal fear, like of heights or snakes or anything. While I do have some fears of that nature, that’s not what I’m talking about today. No, today, I’m talking about my greatest fear. The one that shatters all others. The kind that makes every other fear seem irrelevant.

It’s a fear I hadn’t come to know until more recently. With the hustle and bustle of life, and simply living life for that matter, we pick things up through that journey. We live and learn. We learn through experience and through the wisdom of others, about life.

Fear for instance, can often come from the unknown. We don’t know enough about something to have an opinion, so we come to fear it. Many people have a fear of death. Which is viable. I mean, let’s be honest. What more of an unknown is there than death? If I didn’t know what was after death I would be afraid of it. Even knowing about it I’m still afraid of it sometimes. But that’s still an example. That’s not the fear we’re talking about here.

The fear I’m talking about has to do with God. It is a fear of how EASILY it is to fall away. I used to think if you really ‘had it’, what could ever cause you to turn away? But you see it’s not that simple. Just because you ‘have it’ doesn’t mean you can’t ‘lose it’. Now it doesn’t happen all at once. And you won’t even know it’s happening. You just wake up one day and think, is God even real? Or is He just a fantasy I’ve been taught to believe? At that point all He has done for you is fading to a distant memory, and you wonder if it was ever even Him.

But that’s crazy! Right? Well you would think so, but it’s not. As you get into a state like that, you stop praying as much. It can be hard to pray when you don’t even know if who you’re praying to even exists. You can even still KNOW deep deep down within the very core of your being that HE does, but once that doubt is there, it can be hard to shake. And as you pray less it causes you to feel even more distant.

Once you’ve arrived to a state like that, you have to make a decision. Do you continue to fade back, until He’s just a distant memory. Or do you say no. I will push through this. I know the state I’m in, I know what I had, the peace, the moments of worship where I felt His presence, and I won’t give up! The choice can change your life forever. And not just forever on this earth, but forever eternally.

So once you’ve come back from something like that, you feel that peace once more. It doesn’t mean all your problems go away, or that everything will be perfect from here on out. But it does mean that NO MATTER WHAT COMES your faith and trust and hope is all in Him, and that He will be there for you, no matter the circumstance.

So now, you have a new fear, hopefully. It’s one I hope to always have. That’s the fear of straying. The fear of becoming less, than becoming more. The fear that says, “Oh how easy it is to lose sight of God! How easy it is to forget! How I don’t want that to happen ever again!”

-“The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1:7

I believe that fear talked about in Proverbs 1:7 could mean having a holy fear, a fear that I don’t want to be shut out from His presence.

I don’t want to ever doubt Him again. Because I know what it feels like to be distant from Him. And I don’t want to ever feel that Hopelessness again.

I’m learning that I can’t trust what I feel. Sometimes you may not feel like praying. Pray anyway. You may feel like worshiping. Worship anyway. You may feel far from God. Trust in Him anyway. Don’t let your feelings cause you to lose sight of your Savior.