Seasons

Spring is in full effect, and before long we’ll be cranking the ac and going swimming just trying to beat the summer heat. It’s amazing how we can go from one season to the next, not really knowing what it will bring, but at the same time, we have a good idea just from previous years.

We as people also go through seasons, trials, times when we’re both dealing with and learning something knew. The important thing to remember is that no matter what it is, we can get through it, and learn truths at the same time.

I feel that I’ve entered a new season recently. It feels like the physical season we’re in now, spring. I feel a newness. A freshness in perspective and attitude. A peace and contentment I haven’t had in awhile. It’s God of course, but it’s also that He’s been changing the way I see things.

Much of the doubt and fear from previous seasons is dissipating. I’m learning more everyday to accept who I am in Christ. Who He has called me to be. And I’m also learning not to listen to the lies of the enemy that I believe I was bound to.

You see, sometimes you don’t even know you’re bound. Because it’s there for so long, you don’t notice it. And if you do, you think it’s normal. But it’s not! When you come out of it, you realize a freedom and peace that wasn’t there before. Then when you look back, you can’t recognize your old self.

When I look back at thoughts, ideas, perspectives from my past, I am shocked. There are so many things that have changed from then to now. For the better, thankfully. 

If there’s one thing to learn in life, it’s to be comfortable being yourself. How else can you serve God and others if you’re constantly looking at yourself? 

From here on out, I hope to be the best I can be, to live bold, and fearless. To put every bit of faith I can muster in Him. And in the end, hopefully it will be enough. 

We all go through seasons, some good, some bad. But it’s how you go through it that determines if and what you will learn, and how you come out of it.

 

Choices

Doughnut? Cookie? What’s your fancy? Choices. We make them everyday. Everything we do is by choice, from what we eat to how we spend our time. Even when we think we have no choice in a given situation, good or bad, you always have a choice.

Have you ever wondered how life would be different, had you made different choices? Sometimes better choices? I’m sure you have. I’d say it’s something we all have thought about at one time or another. ‘Well if I had only eaten healthier’. ‘If I had only exercised more’. ‘If I had only spent more time with loved ones’. Thinking what if only causes regret. But if you take it as a learning experience, you can say, next time I’ll be ready to take what I learned and make the right choices.

Lately I’ve been thinking about choices, and about actions. I tend to be a very passive person at times, but I’ve been thinking, “How can I go through life being so passive?” It’s like I’ve been in a limbo state where I only have been observing. Observing other people’s lives, and not living my own. It’s also felt like I don’t belong anywhere. Like there’s no where I can feel like I’m a part of.

It’s not that I’m treated that way by people, but the way I have perceived it all has been the cause. It’s like when I didn’t feel loved by ANYONE. There were lots of people who did LOVE me, but I wouldn’t believe it. For whatever reason, I just didn’t believe it. In a similar way, I haven’t believed that I belong anywhere, because I chose to see it that way.

Choice is a powerful thing. The right to choose right from wrong is a huge freedom given to us by God. The question is what will we choose? Will we choose right? Will we choose wrong? Will we choose blessing? Or choose cursing? The choice is ours to make.

I choose to believe what the Bible says, even though there are times I may not understand it or study it like I should.

It’s also my choice to choose action, or remain passive. Not to say that in certain circumstances being passive is a bad thing, but there are times I should act when I don’t, and vice versa. It’s also my choice to believe what I will about God, and about the world in general. I choose to believe what the Bible says, even though there are times I may not understand it or study it like I should. I’ve chosen to try to see the good in the world, the good in people, and pray for what is not. I’ve chosen to believe I am loved, because deep down, I always knew, and really it’s way better than believing otherwise.

Now I’m also choosing to believe I belong, that I’m a part of something greater than myself. I wish I could convey the feelings of not belonging, and how different it is to belong. There’s such an inner comfort in knowing that you belong, and that the people in your life want you in their life. Sometimes my thoughts can get so muddled up that my perception and judgement become clouded, and I can no longer see clearly.

Sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone, and take a leap of faith. Oftentimes the reward is worth the risk.

There are things, ideas, that I look back on from years back that I think, “What? How did I ever think that? It makes absolutely zero sense.” And yet that was my perception at the time. I guess there are just times when reality seems too hard, so you come to believe what you want to believe, and what keeps you comfortable. Sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone, and take a leap of faith. Oftentimes the reward is worth the risk.

Serving God is a choice. It’s not always easy, but it’s beyond worth it! Loving people isn’t always easy, but it’s a choice. There are times when people are so ‘Stupid’, or ‘Jerks’, or ‘Unlovable’ etc, that it can be sooo hard to love. And yet we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves, bless those who curse us, pray for those who mistreat us.

It’s a choice. I can choose to love my neighbor, or hate them, but that is a choice that puts my decision into action. Faith without works is dead. Our faith should push us into action. It should cause us to choose what is right. Our love for God and people should push us into being His hands and feet.

Our choices have consequences, and affect others. We can block things out of our minds, and choose not to see, but in reality they affect far more than we allow ourselves to believe.

So before your action, is a choice, and before you choose, think of the outcome.

 

 

Don’t Stop

It frightens me how easy it is to change my mind sometimes. How easily I succumb to suggestions. What frightens me even more is how easy it is to fade back. To live totally free in the love of God one day and to live in defeat the next.

There are times when I make up so much ground, only to lose it in an instant. Oh how easy it is to lose sight of what’s important! Just a few days ago, I wanted to never blog again. I wanted to isolate myself from others and just fade into the shadows. And yet, here I am, writing another post.

The more I learn, the more I understand, the more I come to realize how little I really know, how little I really understand.

The more I learn, the more I understand, the more I come to realize how little I really know, how little I really understand. The more I learn about God, the closer I get to Him, the more I realize how little I actually know about Him.

As stated in other posts, I can be a very indecisive person. I try to weigh out the positives and negatives of a decision or decisions, and sometimes in doing so I don’t really fancy any of them at all. I try to be the best I can be, and yet, sometimes things don’t turn out as planned. Something sounds great in my head, but said out loud, it just doesn’t work! So sometimes, if I get tired of feeling like I say the wrong things, or become insecure about really anything, I just talk as little as possible.

Really I think it comes to a matter of insecurity. We should be secure enough in God and who He made us to be, to own our words and own our actions. Own who we are. If people find us weird, who cares?

But I can’t do that. I care too much about what people think of me. And yet at the same time I don’t. I guess in some areas, I don’t give a hoot what anybody thinks or says about me. But in others, I try not to, but I actually care very much.

If someone knew all the things you’ve said about them behind their back, how would that make them feel?

I often wonder what people say behind my back. We all say all kinds of things about other people, but never directly to them. If someone knew all the things you’ve said about them behind their back, how would that make them feel? Would they appreciate you? Would they feel loved and honored? Or would they feel embarrassment and shame in knowing what you really think of them? Sometimes I think about that. What do people say when I’m not around? What jokes do they crack? What do they really think about me? Am I a good influence? A kind person? I try not to think about it, so much to the point if someone says, “Oh there you are. We were just talking about you”, I’m actually kind of surprised.

It reminds me of when I couldn’t feel love. It was a season when I felt totally alone, even surrounded by people. People told me all the time they loved me, but I didn’t believe them. I didn’t believe them. It doesn’t matter what someone tells you, if you don’t believe them, their words mean nothing. And it’s not even their fault, when you simply trust no one and believe no one there’s no reason to believe they love you.

But now I look at things differently. Despite all my flaws and all of my problems, I’m learning to trust. I’m learning to believe what people tell me, not being gullible, but hopeful that they mean what they say. Besides, I love them, and real love doesn’t need to be reciprocated. God Himself loves a world full of people who pretend He doesn’t exist. So I hope and pray to have that kind of unconditional love. I’m not even sure what caused me to lose trust, I’m just glad that I feel like I’m on the right track.

See I know what to do. I know what I should do. How I should act. How I should be. But that’s the hard part. Doing. It’s easy to know. It’s harder to do. Jesus says to feed the poor and help the orphans and widows, but that’s easier said than done. How many of us think of helping someone and never do it? There’s a world full of hurting people, but what do we do to help? I feel like I don’t do much of anything. I help with what I can, but sometimes it’s hard enough to take care of myself, let alone help other people.

I don’t even really know how I got off onto all of that. I just sat down to finish a post, and it kind of just shifted into something else. As a writer, sometimes you don’t know what you’ll write until you just sit down and write!

None of us are perfect. We are all flawed and have things to work on. I guess that’s why Jesus said not to judge one another, because He knows none of are perfect and that we will fail in one way or another, which only makes His love even greater. But it’s all about not giving up. As Paul said, we’re in a race, a marathon, even when we stumble and fall, we have to get back up and keep running. Even if sometimes it feels like we’re only crawling, only making inches at a time, don’t stop, don’t ever stop.